Revision

Well, it’s been a long-quick week if that makes sense. Looking back it seems like forever ago that it was Monday, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. I accomplished quite a bit this week. Annabelle really liked Gymboree. She was very good at most of the activities that the kids were supposed to do, but she seemed kind of overwhelmed by the other children. You see, Annabelle has really only been with me, her Daddy and her grandparents her entire life. She doesn’t know any other kids except Gigi and Carlo’s little Gavin — and he is a bitty baby. So seeing a bunch of kids her age was rather overwhelming for her, I think.

She ran around and squealed and really enjoyed the whole experience. It actually made me want to cry. Seeing what an amazing person she is becoming. And how she problem solves. And how she is so determined to do it all by herself.

From a battling-depression point of view, I am glad I got out and just did it. I tried really hard not to let myself go through those negative thought patterns that always want to come up when I am with strangers. (e.g. “Are they looking at me?” “Do they think I am stupid? Ugly? Fat? Whatever?”) I just thought to myself: “You are Annabelle’s mom and she loves you.” That made a huge difference.

All of that probably sounds really lame, but so be it. I can’t control what you think of me. I used to think I could. I am slowly (oh-so-very-slowly) coming to the realization that I can only control what I think of me. Whether I want you to or not, you will make a judgement of me. And nothing I can do is going to stop you. So why worry about it. Right?

Anyway, that’s it from here. Big weekend. Gavin gets baptized! Yay!