Revision

As most of my three readers know, I am still battling depression. It’s something that I have to work hard every day to overcome. The depressed me tries to stop the happy me from doing what she wants to do. This week, I waged an all-out war on this vicious foe. I decided I was just going to think of depression as “Depression,” with a capital “D.” A force that is working hard against me. When it pushes, I have to push back harder. And it is hard.

Sometimes I think I am being punished for my awful remarks about depressed people in the past. (Things like, “Why don’t they just get over it?” and “What’s their problem?”) Now I can really see and understand what, I daresay, most people don’t. Because it seems like is should be just that simple: Change your mind, get over it. Right? I have found that it simply doesn’t work that way (alas!).

But back to my strategy. This week I began the battle. Starting Monday with Anna and I visiting the library, then Target; and, later, dinner out with Andy. I often find it so easy to just say, “nevermind, let’s just stay in.” I told Andy he has to start making me do it. Like be the man and say: “We are doing this. Period.” And he did.

Tuesdays Annabelle is with her Mimi. (Mimi is a Godsend, by the way. By watching Annabelle for those few hours every week, she is helping me in my battle.)

Wednesday, Annabelle and I met Auntie Gigi and Gavin to sign up for weekly Mommy and Me swim lessons. Then we all had lunch.

Thursday, we met Daddy at the doctor’s office for shots.

Today we went to Gymboree and signed up for another weekly class, then had some chicken for lunch.

In short, every day we were out and about doing something. Depression is weird. It’s like a veil that shrouds everything you do. Dulling your senses and throttling any enjoyment in everyday things. I am so sick of letting Depression run my life. So I’ve decided I just have to go, go, go, lest it put its steel-toed boot back on my throat. I think that was my unconscious strategy in the past. I need to do it again — only this time, consciously.

I can’t let Big “D” win any longer.