Revision

That’s the last line of the Kookaburra song — the line after he (very unfortunately) sits on a rusty nail.

That kind of sums up how I felt after visiting my OB/GYN yesterday. I’d gone in for a wound check. He had to examine the incision and palpate it (read: push really hard and cause pain). Anyway, two interesting items came out of the visit. (Yes, I fancy you might be here for me and Andre — as well as info about the baby! Perhaps I fool myself, but anyway…)

The first item of note: I am officially one pound below my pre-pregnancy weight. Wow! I was weighed on the same scale as I was last August and, amazingly, all the weight I put on is gone. That’s a big yay!

Now for the not-so-yay.

When Dr. W came in the room, he informed me that my C-section had been a difficult one. He said there was a vast amount of bleeding that he had a hard time stopping. There was apparently an artery near one of my fallopian tubes that was bleeding profusely. In order to stem the tide, he had to put some stitches in (or around?) my fallopian tube. Obviously, he had to do what he had to do, but now, of course, I am worried. Andre and I would like to have another child — we want Annabelle to have a sister or brother. What if this has severely diminished our chances?

Like the obsessive worrier that I am, I have been torturing myself with “what ifs?” I try not to do this — but I do. I know I shouldn’t, because I do believe God has a plan for all of us. If another child is not in His plan for us, so be it. I guess I fool myself into thinking I actually helm this ship — that some choice I made could have affected my future. But, generally, I believe this not to be the case. If another child is meant to be, it’s meant to be … right? If not, we should be happy just to have been granted this one beautiful girl.

And I do feel blessed. Many of my friends are struggling with infertility and miscarriages. And, Andre and I struggled too — hey, it took us 11 years just to have one! Maybe two is too much to ask for; but it’s not too much to hope for. I do continue to hope that my fallopian tube will function normally and that we won’t face a serious challenge in the future. But, if we do, I just have to accept that it was meant to be — whatever the outcome.

It’s about time to feed Annabelle again. So, for now, so long from the night shift. Don’t forget about the pictures. I’ve posted a bunch more (as detailed in the post below).